I was browsing through my Facebook wall today when I saw a shared article from one of my friends. The article was from huffpost.com and it talked about how a mother's response to her children's seemingly petty requests subtly and slowly opened a gap in their relationship.
It caught my attention because I have a 7-year-old son. Being an only child, he spends most of his time at home around me, my husband, and our house companion. He's in that age where he feels the need to share everything that he does to me or his dad. He loves to talk non-stop about the cosmos, human body, and robots. He spends hours building jointed robots using Lego blocks while asking my opinion on whether I liked the new formation better than the previous one. He draws doodles for me that comes with a whole history of you-know-whys and you-know-whats. He likes to call out my name just to say "I love you, mom." He's a very sweet kid and simply because he does those things everyday, I started to take them for granted without realizing it.
One night, he called out to me. I was busy folding away the linens while thinking about the mountain of clothes that are waiting to be ironed out. It was a stressful day for me. I heard him but I didn't reply. He called out again and then once more, each time with more volume. Receiving no reply, for the third time, he ran to my side and said. "Mom, didn't you hear me? I was calling you." All I wanted was to finish what I was doing so I can move on to the next chore. Holding back my annoyance, I groaned. "What is it, Milliard? I'm busy." "I love you, mom," he said as innocently and affectionately as he had always done. But during that time, I was too busy to notice those little details. I just wanted him to leave me alone. "Okay," I said coldly. I thought he would be satisfied and go back to building Kre-o but he didn't move. When I looked at him, I caught a glint of sadness in his eyes. "You used to be so happy when I tell you that I love you," he said, almost in a whisper.
I felt like a bucket of iced water poured down on me. Guilt pinched my heart and tied my stomach in knots. Since when did I stop listening to his voice? How have I become too busy to even respond to his little acts of affection?
I took a deep breath to compose myself, put down the linen on the bed, and motioned him to come closer. I hugged him tight and apologized. I told him that hearing him say that he loves me makes me very happy and that I was sorry if I made it look like it doesn't. I asked him to be patient with mommy because sometimes, mommies can be so distracted with little things that they fail to appreciate the more important things.
I am not a perfect mother. Oftentimes, I give in to the beck and call of the selfish human persona inside me. But after that realization, I learned to be more expressive with my feelings. I make more effort now to let my son know that he is important to me and that I love him no matter what. If I really can't join him for a game of domino or cards, I try to negotiate for another schedule. I spare even just a few seconds to look at his new robots, enough to at least know the difference between the new and the previous designs. Hopefully, these little changes will help heal the gap that started to appear between us.
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