Last year, my family joined an outreach program. There were several people who pitched in and came to help during the event as well. One family came with a boy as old as my son. Seeing that there's another kid that he can hang out with, Milliard immediately asked for permission to play with the other boy. We let him go and went on to prepare the gifts that we were going to give away. A few minutes later, he came back and told us that he didn't want to play with the kid anymore because he keeps hitting him. I didn't know what the whole story was so I asked him maybe he was being too aggressive. I suggested to introduce himself first and then ask nicely if there's a game that the other kid would want to play. If he doesn't want to play, maybe they could just chat or draw. Milliard went away again and did as I suggested. After a while, he came back frustrated and discouraged. Apparently, he received the same response. I didn't give much thought about it and dismissed it as the boy having a bad mood. I advised him to just let it go and do something else.
Looking back, I think I should have done more than just talk my son out of trying to connect with the boy. As it turned out, the child has a special condition known as Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (AD/HD).
According to the Centers for Disease, Control, and Prevention, ADHD is one of the most common neurodevelopmental disorders of childhood. Children with ADHD may have trouble paying attention, controlling impulsive behaviors (may act without thinking about what the result will be), or be overly active.
Until October 08, 2014, I could honestly say that I have no idea what that means. We were invited to be part of the 7th National Conference of the AD/HD Society of the Philippines in the University of the Philippines Diliman on that day, which ended my ignorance on the matter. The sessions were very enlightening for me. During the lectures and the open forum, the discussion became emotional as parents of children with AD/HD sought advice from the panel of experts and shared their own experiences. I felt ashamed for my ignorance and at the same time grateful for the opportunity to expand my understanding of it.
The journey of parents of children with this condition is long, challenging, life-changing, enlightening, humbling, and beautiful. According to Dr. Nemencio Santos, Jr., Associate Professor at Far Eastern University and father to a child with AD/HD, there are 9 themes that can describe the parental experiences:
1. Unending Journey
The child with AD/HD is a unique individual with unique needs. The long journey towards raising a chance with AD/HD is a big challenge to all parents. Parents have their own share of unforgettable experiences with their child, which helped them to accept reality, cope with the situation, and become a better person.
2. The Heart that Endures the Countervailing Wind
To learn that your child has AD/HD is very painful. Parents would often blame themselves, thinking that they must have done something that lead to their child's suffering. Then comes despondency. As parents who repeatedly had to defend their child against prejudice, to deal with misunderstanding caused by their child's impulsive behavior, and to struggle against the accumulating stress that result from behavioral seizures of their child, they could help but feel helpless, tired, and depressed. One parent in the forum shared how she and her husband had to keep transferring their child from one school to another because the schools they've been to couldn't understand what their child is going through and didn't have the capacity to help their AD/HD children. She was in tears when she uttered, "Until when are we going to do this? How many times should we explain before they would understand?"All these challenges cause tremendous anxiety, not only for what their child is going through but for what awaits him/her in tge future. However, being parents of children with AD/HD is not all about sadness and despair. It is also a joyful, enriching, and meaningful experience. Despite their condition, children with AD/HD are the most sensitive and loving human beings and they have the ability to make people who love them see the hidden beauty of the things they touch and see the world in a unique way.
3. Driving Towards a Crossroad
Parents often feel like they are crossing a crossroad, especially when it comes to the way of teaching and disciplining their child. They are also often torn between what they feel that they should do and what the people around them expect them to do.
4. A 360 Degree Turn
Parents experience a complete change in perception, attitude, and expectations once they understand and come to terms with the condition of their child. Once they have accepted that their child has AD/HD, they can begin to move forward and find ways to best help their child and themselves. Their relationship with their child and spouse improve as they enrich their lives through seminars, support groups, advocacy, spiritual enlightenment, and other activities.
5. Facing the Hurdles of a Rough Journey
There are many problems that make raising a child with AD/HD extremely challenging. First, there's financial obligations that parents should fulfill. In the Philippines, a consult with psychiatric pediatrician costs an arm and a leg. That, along with therapy sessions, medications, and maintenance of the child's special needs require a huge amount of money and could drag the family into a financial crisis in the long run. There's also the conflict that arises within the family. Sometimes, it takes time before the relatives could understand and accept the child's condition. Because of that, they might try to interfere with the parents' decisions, go against their way of disciplining the child, or unintentionally isolate the child from the rest of the family members. It takes a lot of strength to face these hurdles. Each parent should prepare for a long, arduous journey if they want to help make their child with AD/HD a functional member of society.
6. The Rocks on a Bumpy Road
It takes determination and a special kind of courage and strength to be able to carry on diespite the many bumps on the road of raising a child with unique needs. The behavioral problems of the child, parenting problems, teaching-learning problems, medical management problems, and financial problems all make the journey very difficult. Parents should brace their heart and and prepare their mind for this long, arduous endeavor. The unconditional love of parents for their child is the best weapon and shield that they have in their armory for this lifelong battle.
7. Embracing Tomorrow's Purpose
Parents worry about their child's future and well-being. Questions like "What will happen to my child?", "Will he be able to finish school and have a career?", "Will he find happiness?", "Can he have a family of his own?, etc. often pop up in our minds. They are also concerned about their child's learning and skills development, safety, and social relationships. Indeed, there are many reasons to be anxious about. The first and most important step to overcome this is through acceptance. By coming to terms with the situation, parents can begin to move forward, set proper and reasonable expectations, seek professional help, and create feasible plans to help manage their child's AD/HD symptoms.
8. Muddling Through a Difficult Path
While going through the challenges of raising a child with AD/HD, it is important to remember that you are not alone nor you ever have to be. There are many free resources online that can help you expand your knowledge on the condition. There are also support groups and organizations that can help, guide, and provide you with moral and financial support. More importantly, your family, relatives, and friends can serve as your intimate source of encouragement and affirmation. You just have to help them understand and appreciate your child and your situation better by involving them in the care of your child, engaging them in activities that exposes them to the different sides of your child's personality, and letting them feel that they, too, have roles to play in your child's life.
9. An Extraordinary Roller Coaster Ride
Parents who have children with AD/HD have different memorable, life-changing experiences that helped them become better people. A mother shared during the open forum that because of her child, her perspective in life changed. She became humble, generous, and more appreciative. She is now supporting organizations that help children with special needs. The mother admitted that their lives were indeed full of challenges but, even if she's given another chance, she would still choose to have her son and go through the whole journey again.
I am happy that I was given the chance to have a glimpse of the journey that parents of children with AD/HD go through. I believe that knowing is an important step towards breaking the veil of indifference and changing the world to make it a better place for children with AD/HD to live in.
No comments:
Post a Comment